"bisexual? you mean you’re experimenting?"

*kicks test tubes and alien hybrid under a desk* “um no what do you mean”

(via lgbtlaughs)




what if cows moaned when you milked them

im so lonely

(Source: bastille, via rayquaza)


My friend worked at a grocery store and one day Robin Williams came in and she had no idea it was him and he was in her checkout line just being friendly and chatty and she said “Do people ever tell you that you look just like Robin Williams?” And he smiled at her and said “Oh all the time.” It wasn’t until he left that her manager told her that it was him and he lived in that neighborhood.

(via kanyewhisperer)


at my 16th birthday party my friend john accidentally flashed one of his balls and i remember it in vivid color & detail like sometimes i forget the faces of loved ones but that single nut haunts me. one time i fell in a ditch and i kept sabotaging myself like “what if the last thing i think of before i die is john’s nut” like i wasn’t actually gonna die but these are the kinds of things you consider when you fall in a ditch. john’s nut

(via lordoftheinternet)


one time I was working at Dolly Parton’s water park as a photographer in the lazy river, and taking pictures and what not and I look up and see this very familiar black man floating in a tube toward me. 
and it is Akon.  So I’m like ‘hey Akon would you like a picture with your family today?’ He is all like ‘no thank you sweetie’ and I was all “well you have a good day, Akon” 
he said you too and floated on.  

(Source: theofficialwalmart, via kanyewhisperer)